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Do You want to …

Do You want to be right, or happy?

I often hear of and see many couples or parents threatening relationships with an ultimatum: break up, cut off financial support, take away shelter, etc. I believe many people fail to see past their own selfish designs and want to win everything. Nothing is wrong with winning, but when it comes to relationships, there are some complications that arise. If one is arguing for the sake of changing the other to fit their needs instead of looking at both of their needs, then there is a problem. There must always be a compromise. It may not be a perfect compromise, one side may have more say than the other, but there must be some middle ground. 

The same goes for politics. However, in international relations there is an even greater danger.  Look at the Issue with Syria, this is a matter concerning military involvement, and the cost is human lives, resources, and relationships.  Politicians must walk the fine line of coming to a consensus while also trying to gain the advantage over their opposition.  

Why not apply this to our own relationships? However, without the violence and anger.  I understand there are times where no matter how hard you try you lose control over your emotions, but if you yourself are aware of this, and is disciplined, you can tell yourself to take a step back and look at the situation from a logical point of view.  What are your motives for this disagreement, what might the other party’s motives for this disagreement be? and how can we work it out.  

There are many times where I have witnessed, heard about, or experienced personally, a parent for example, seeking to gain control over their child by using the premises that they provide financial support.  Now that is true, in this case the parent is right, and the child should be thankful and respect their parent. But what about the cases where the child feels that he or she is treated unfairly? I believe that if ever there is a dispute, and one side is right, the winning side, in this case the parent, should at least make an effort to investigate why their child or the other party is did what they did. This would not only make the child happier, but also make the parent happier because the child will see that their parent is making an effort to understand and appeal to them.

There are cases where one does win and is also happy, and there are also cases where one party IS actually right, but in most cases there are conflicts caused by grounds that can be resolved by solving the fundamental problem with the relationship instead of focusing on winning the fight.

 

What about you? Please share your experiences on this matter, and your ideas on how this should be handled. 

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